Letting Go and Letting God

A lot of things have happened this week but I am not going to write about them right now.  Perhaps Pat will post something that I can use because I am finding it difficult to do much writing at all lately. 

I think that I am slowly learning that one of the greatest dangers of being here in Guatemala and working with so many hurting people is the belief that you can do something about the pain and suffering of each and every person that God places in your path.  I am finding out though that the people that God seems to place in my path and the requests for help have grown to such a staggering number that there is no way to meet most of these needs.  Praise God  that I am connected with some great people and some great organizations like Bethel Ministries and Hope Haven international who can supply things like homes and wheelchairs to those that need them but they can not meet every need.  Just a few days ago as we were building Byron's home we were approached by several people who were in need of homes.  We had to tell them that we already had so many people on file that we could do nothing more than take down there names and wait and see what things looked like in a year or two.


I am personally finding that the same thing is happening when I go into a village to take a child in to see a doctor or get them in to the malnutrition center of Hermano Pedro.  It seems that every time I reach out to one of these little ones I find a half dozen more that are hurting just as badly.  Even yesterday as I showed a few friends around Hermano Pedro I was bombarded by kids and adults that were wondering when I was going to take them out to lunch or when I would get their wheelchairs repaired.  While I was there I managed to hold 2 or 3 kids but there are nearly 250 residence there so it was only a drop in the bucket.  I know that I am suppose to let God show me which ones to reach out to but it is difficult.  Even as I sit here writing this my mind races.  Which 3 kids will we take out to Camperos today?  Which 247 will we not have time for?  Am I  doing to little?  Is anything I am doing here making any difference?  

Granted some of the kids that we are working with are improving but what about others like Walter?  A lot of time and money has been spent on him and all we are finding out is that nothing can be done for him.  What about Alex, Jo-Jo, Ronny and so many others that died this year?  Did reaching out to them really make a difference?  In their cases I believe it did but losing them was one of the hardest things that I have ever gone through. Having Jason disappear has been very hard on me as well. 

I know that we can do nothing on our own and that it is God's ministry but this servant at times gets weary.  Please pray for me.  Please pray for all of those that are down here as missionaries.  We are human and we some times question things.  If we truly care we allow our harts to be broken with the things that break God's hart, but it hurts.

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.

2 Corinthians 12:9

Yours in Christ: Dick

Monday evening, February 21, 2010

"After I posted the journal above at around 10 AM this morning I nearly went back and deleted it.  It was hard for me to be so honest about my feelings.  E-mailing it to those of you who are on my e-mail list was even more difficult for me.   What would friends think if they knew that missionaries had rough days?  I only hit the send button after much prayer and seconds later was wondering if there were any way to retrieve what I had just sent before anyone could read it.  Thankfully there wasn't.  The amount of e-mail that I had waiting for me when I got back home this evening was overwhelming.  I want to personally thank each and every one of you who wrote and said that you were praying for me and for those that I have the honer of working with.  I also want to thank you for your kind words of encouragement.  Yes it gets a bit overwhelming at times but then I am reminded that when I start looking at God as though He were my copilot it is time to swap seats."

Goodnight,
Yours in Christ: Dick